Recitivist
Repeat offender… but of what? When bad ideas are good ideas then no ideas are probably best. One could go crazy, listening to himself. Constantly relapsing on his own will, but how’s that for falling victim to labels? It’s the words that I have trouble with. To try and comprehensively explain one-tenth of what flies twixt my ears is impossible, even with words like twixt. That’s the problem then, maybe maybe, that I have trouble explaining myself to myself, because I fancy myself black and white, but try as I might, all I get is gray. Even happy unhappy not happy I get lots of gray. I do things, many things, make many choices every day, and they all seem good, but all choices are bad in hindsight, huh? Or is that just me? Now I would never say regret, because regret is scary, regret is a stare, wished-I-wouldn’t-have feels like a glance.
Hah, and the actions themselves are small. I laugh at how small they are, see? Hah! Then they fester though and stew and ferment and stink to high heaven, phew! get them out!
But I found the fix tonight, oh yes, oh yes, it felt right! It felt like a chapter closing and don’t you love finishing a chapter? Now it’s my choice whether or not to fester stew ferment ruin this good thing, oh no, not this time, me! Aha! We have found something that works! Now the battle begins, and the Allies have got their wits and ammo about them, and I can see the regret and despair and nastiness filling up my brain with their corpses, bleeding and dying, oh why God why, and they’re brutalized. The dogs of war have a go, tearing the wounded to shreds, my brain filling up with ground beef. Then my pupils flare, the good have let loose the napalm and everything rotten is burnt to a crisp! but don’t you see!
It’s black and white again, good, evil, and that’s not the way of things! Coexistence, harmony, jazz, this is everything, duality! But I think maybe I am an extremist. And because of this, I am a recitivist, just like you.
Maybe sanity feels like a cold war. No battles, no extreme triumphs, no humiliating defeats…
Hm.
Sounds awful.
